What is love?

What is love? I’ve been thinking about the key elements that really show love is present…

When I think about what love is, I have to look at it through the lens of marriage, which I’ve found to be my closest and deepest connection with true “love.” Ultimately, I see that Kelly & I hold three things as the basis of our love: 1. a promise to be together, 2. talking with one another and 3. doing things with and for each other.

1. A promise to be together. Relationships flourish in the ground of “time well spent together.” During our wedding, I was asked, “John, do you take Kelly to be your wedded wife, to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love…”, and her vows to me included a similar question. In answering, “I do,” we promised to be with each other, no matter the circumstance. We’ve gone back to that promise several times since our wedding day, allowing the unconditional nature of our love really sink in and help us grow to enjoy one another’s uncompromising promise to spend life together.

Look at this idea by comparing it to the opposite: a wife would have little praise for a husband who constantly spends all his time away on hobbies, buddies, or work. I sympathize with the man who has to work 70+ hours a week or is away traveling to support his family; however, some people think they have to give their family as much of the “American dream” as possible. What the family gains is a comfortable standard of living, but would they have given up some of that comfort to have a loving father spend more time at home with them? Of course. “What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:11-13. The Father gives us Himself to be with us – the Giver is the Gift.

2. Talking with one another. What marriage could survive a lifetime of the silent treatment, when just a few of hours spending time with someone in total silence is awkward? A loving marriage includes everything from love notes to long conversations. Simply put, you can’t have a relationship, romantic or otherwise, without words. No way around it.

A crucial part of sharing life together is to reveal who we are, what we feel, and what we think. Our best friends are the ones we can actually talk to freely, without worrying about being judged. Our genuine friendships should be filled with conversation. And if marriage is the most important relationship in our earthly lives, how much more important to it should conversation be? So love includes words – they’re essential.

You could discover things about me by observing me in a scientific fashion. You could determine I was likely a Christian by my church attendance or by some of things I do during the week. But if you’re observing me merely from a distance, spying through binoculars, and you failed to talk with me about why I did all these things, you’d be missing out on the context of my motivation. If we talked, I could tell a scientific observer the full set of circumstances that formed the setting for my actions, clearing up the picture he’d have to merely guess at from afar.

3. Doing things with and for each other. When I take out the trash, I do it because I know Kelly appreciates the fact that I’m being considerate and helpful. I don’t do it because I inherently enjoy taking out the trash, or because I feel I’m earning “points” on some proverbial scoreboard. I do it as an act of love.

Think about the most tangible way to show love, a present. A husband can point to the flowers he got his wife and say “See, I got you flowers. Of course I love you.” He can make a phone call in the middle of the day to check in. She can pack him his favorite snacks when she knows he’ll have a rough day at work. It’s the little acts of kindness that show we’re thinking about each other.

There is a key part of the promise to be together that needs to be mentioned – cherishing one another. To place the other person’s interests above my own is the key to my motivation for doing any and all of these acts of love. I have to see Kelly as my priority, that she is of worth and value and deserves the best I can give her.

If I spend time with Kelly without cherishing her, I’ve missed the point. If I speak to her, but only because it would be awkward not to, I’ve missed the point. If I do things for her only out of obligation, I’ve missed the point. I have to give myself to her for her best interest, and hope she does the same for me.

So love is about our presence together, how we talk with each other, how we act, and our motivation toward the betterment of the other person. These elements are constantly intertwined. To describe love would include each of these.

“Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

My preferred note taking style

Taking notes is often an effective way to ensure your daily work gets completed. When I am taking notes I use the technique found here. The main elements mentioned in the article that I routinely use are these:

Use symbols so you can quickly scan your notes later. I indent my notes from the left edge of the paper about half an inch. This allows me to put my symbols in the left margin. I use four:

1. If an item is particularly important or insightful, I put a star next to it.
2. If an item requires further research or resolution, I put a question mark next to it.
3. If an item requires follow-up, I put a ballot box (open square) next to it. When the item is completed, I check it off.
4. If I have assigned a follow-up item to someone, I put an open circle next to it (similar to the ballot box but a circle rather than a square). In the notes, I indicate who is responsible. When the item is completed, I check it off.

These four allow me to quickly scan my notes and find where I still need to take action.

“You’re overqualified for this position”, Did this just happen to you?

I think this may have just happened to me. It’s a great company, and I’m still pursuing other opportunities with them, but several questions came up in the interview for this position about expectations and how they almost never even interview MBA candidates for the position. I’m willing to put in the hard work and lay the foundation for a career within a company so mastering the basics really isn’t an issue.

It’ll work out, it’s just one of those things. For a list of some of the reasons why companies might say this, check out this article here.

Networking is critical to career success

One of the primary values of the MBA experience besides the skills you develop is your connections with your classmates, your unique cohort that went through alot together. When you search for the “best way to get a job” (without the quotes) in Google, the top two results relate to networking. It is in fact the way I got one of my interviews.

I’ve been acquaintances with someone from the company for several years now, and at a recent career fair I asked if there was any positions coming available that might be a good fit for me besides the one they were hiring for. He gave me the heads up on a position that wasn’t available on their career site yet, a “hidden job”. While he didn’t have the say so on hiring, it helped get me in the door early in the process.

Two lessons here: one, its good to know people and have a connection established. Two, unless you ask for it, you may never find out about certain job opportunities. So ask around, tap your connections for opportunities, see what pops up.

Microsoft and a lesson on the cost of ineffective communication

Why is effective communication so important? There are variety of examples and reasons to be clear and concise, but when it comes to managing major marketing campaigns, it raises the stakes considerably. In an effort to pacify its partner Intel and other suppliers, when Microsoft was preparing to launch Vista it allowed computers that weren’t entirely up to snuff to be marketed as “Vista Capable” and more capable computers to be designated “Vista Premium Ready”. Now there is a lawsuit that has  just been granted class action status over the confusion this distinction created.

Seth Godin recently made the point that its up to the communicator to be effective in the first place. If I’m not paying attention to your presentation that’s my fault, but if I’m just plain bored or confused, that’s up to the communicator. If Microsoft had done a better job and taken care of this marketing effort better in the first place, they may have avoided another lawsuit.

It’s not always easy

In the pursuit of my MBA there are of course hardships and difficulties along the way. While many of my classes are very engaging with discussions and the like, a few pose a dreary task. I speak of the beast of ERP specifically SAP. For all those who deal with this software on a regular basis, I’m sorry. I’ll likely soon be joining the ranks of those that must deal with a system that displays very little to like about it.

Sometimes just comes down to hard work and just pounding your way through.  No special tricks to learn, just hands on experience learning how to work in the corporate jungle. In consolation, SAP experience is especially valuable in many companies and my experience with it should help set me apart. Always try find something that sets you apart for job, whether its a technical skills or a natural talent.

For me, its back to SAP and hoping I make it out alive.

What are you reading online?

I’ve made it a personal habit to seek out information in the areas that I’m interested in. Those areas are personal finance, consumer technology, and becoming a better communicator.

I’ve picked a few of my favorite blogs that I visit daily on each of these topics and listed them below. I hope you’ll find something that interests you.

If you’ve got a site you visit on personal development, let me know by posting it in the comments.

Personal Finance Blogs
http://www.mymoneyblog.com/
http://www.thesimpledollar.com/
http://www.freemoneyfinance.com/

Consumer Technology
http://www.engadget.com/
http://www.techmeme.com/

Becoming a Better Communicator
http://www.presentationzen.com/
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/ (marketing  with a communications slant)

Should you get an MBA?

The biggest question to ask yourself is how much time and money are you willing to invest in yourself? Are you willing to spend up to two years advancing your knowledge and exposing yourself to new concepts? Are you willing to forgo a lot of money you could be earning during that time? Or are you willing to do it on the side or even be aggressive in your pursuit of on the job training?

There are plenty of resources if you’re willing to develop yourself without the degree and books are always a great place to start. The Personal MBA was started with the purpose of finding the best books to educate yourself in the field of business. You can find their excellent reading list here.

Absorptive Capacity, Innovation, and Professional Development

Absorptive Capacity is an interesting concept that has absolutely nothing to do with diapers as came to my mind when I first heard the term.  I was first introduced to the concept last semester on my India study abroad class. My Innovations textbook defines it as: “a firm’s ability to assimilate new knowledge. The more related knowledge a firm has, the easier it is for it to assimilate the new knowledge.”

Now, I am person, not a company, but what the teacher was talking about when he said he was building up our absorptive capacity is our ability to take in as much learning as possible from the travel portion of class.

For example, if we went to India  with no preparation, we’d have been shell-shocked, asking a million questions trying figure out so much of what was going on. Instead, we spent a semester’s worth of classes learning about the country so what we saw would make more sense. By being prepared, we were able to ask better questions and we were able to come to a greater understanding of the country of India.

So then, Absorptive Capacity is integral into being able to take on and understand new concepts. For example, if I was an expert on water purification, learning about vodka filtration and production might be an easy transition. However, if my tasks was to learn  computer programming, there is very little overlapping knowledge and the transition would take much longer and would involve tremendously more work.

A key lesson for personal and professional development would be to build on what you already know. Find new skills that overlap the ones you already have. Are you good at conducting meetings? Maybe sales presentations would be a good skill to develop. Build on your strengths and look for ways to bring it all together.

Two Excellent Books on Communication

Two great books on communicating more effectively
* Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds
* Made to Stick by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

I feel that the these two books are a worthy addition to anyone’s library who is looking to communicate more effectively.

I have seen people focus on the powerpoint slides themselves during presentation as though they are sole object of importance. So much so that they put their back to the audience so that they could also admire their handiwork on screen.

What Presentation Zen and its accompanying blog advocate is an different approach than we traditionally see when PowerPoint is involved. Advice includes driving home the point that slides support you as a speaker, and are not by themselves the message. Reynolds also suggests a separate report for extra information that may be relevant but may weaken the may point of your presentation. There are a variety of tips and advice for improving your message making this book worthwhile for anyone who presents regularly.

Made to Stick is an excellent break down of what are key elements to making a message or idea “stick”. Garr Reynolds, author of Presentation Zen wrote a good summary of what Made to Stick is about and it can be found here.